This week, I received a question from someone who was newly promoted to manager. She was worried about her new role, given that some of her direct reports were older and had more professional experience than she did. She wondered how she was going to be a great manager to them, given their greater degree of experience and expertise.
I used to be this woman; newly promoted to lead a team of older and — in some cases — very accomplished people. Over the years, the biggest management lesson I have learned is: managing people is hard!
Really, being the boss seems so much easier than doing the work?
Ok, fine, maybe in some cases it is. But, I guarantee you that anyone who wants to be a great manager definitely has a hard job. Any manager who is dedicated to supporting their people to be successful and grow professionally is probably working hard.
That doesn’t seem that hard, Mrs. Type A?
Oh really? Do you have kids? Have you ever asked them to do something they didn’t want to do? Or teach them something new? How’d that go? Hmm, exactly.
If you’re trying to be a great manager, then you’re dealing with people’s personalities and behaviors, and that can be exhausting. For example, with the more seasoned people, you end up running up against employees who can be set in their ways. Alternatively, with more junior ones, you’re teaching them a lot of basic things about how to behave in the workplace!
I’ve had employees ignore me, act out against me, annoy me, complain about me, and so much more. In order to be effective, you have to work through these issues. It can be hard not to get angry back (or, say yell at them), or otherwise get sucked into drama. After all, managers are human too!
I have found it helpful to have mantras that I repeat to myself in these tough moments in order to maintain a productive mindset and focus on being a great manager when my people need it the most. I repeat 3 phrases to myself that help guide me through the situation in a way that minimizes the damage to the relationship and career (you probably guessed it’s wrong to yell at them!).
In tense moments as a manager, you have to stay objective; that is what we are paid to do. That is why it’s called the Executive Function!
Mrs. Type A’s 3 Great Manager Mantras:
1. If I make a mistake, I admit it
Many times when I’m in a disagreement with an employee, there comes a time when I realize I could have done something differently. Been clearer on expectations? Asked for an update earlier? Shared more of my vision for the outcome?
I have found that it’s important to be transparent in those situations. I’ll simply say, “I realize how I needed to have done ABC different.” It doesn’t help if you’re trying to maintain that you are right. Instead, set a good example by identifying your role in the situation and admitting it. You will find your employee will be more open to feedback, as a result.
A few years ago, I had a situation in which I was being a wee bit of a bad boss. Yes, it’s true; I’m not proud of it, but it’s just the journey I’ve been on. Let’s move on…
In this situation, I admitted my role; I was overwhelmed at work and with a new baby and, as such, did not help this employee as much as I should have. I felt that way, I told her so, and committed to spending more time with her (and I did).
Being honest with my errors made her more open to my feedback, and also built trust and a stronger relationship. She has since nominated me for “Best Manager of the Year” award and recommended me as a manager to other prospective employees.
So, please just be honest with your direct reports on your errors. Everyone will fare better.
2. I don’t ask someone to do something I don’t want to do
As a manager, it’s easy to pawn off the undesirable responsibilities to your employees. Tough conversations, delivering bad news, boring tasks, complicated analyses, etc. It’s just so tempting to give this work to someone else.
If you’re always assigning away the undesirable activities, your direct reports will resent you.
That said, I feel strongly that, as a manager, you need to manage your own energy. And, so, you may find from time-to-time, you just can’t muster up the energy to work on something.
In these situations, I’d say go ahead and delegate to someone, BUT…
…tell them that you can’t or don’t want to do the task.
For example, I just hate managing a budget. I find it tedious, boring, annoying, monotonous, dull, uninspiring, mind-numbing….should I go on?
I have often delegated budget management to someone on my team. When I do that, I will say something like, “Timmy, I think you would be far better at budget management than I am due to your attention to detail and analytic strength. Would you mind taking this on for me? I’ll be sure to include you in the budget updates to senior leadership so your work here will get noticed.”
So, in this situation, I delegated something I just, well, hate. And helped support greater exposure for someone on my team. Yea!
In summary, you can’t just delegate away the hard stuff. But, if you do, you need to be honest about why you aren’t doing it.
3. I do right by everyone who works for me (even if I can’t stand them)
Ugh some people who work for me just annoy the crap out of me. There, I said it.
It’s ok to feel that way, but it’s still your job as a manager to objectively assess performance and support their career development. It helps to think of yourself as a doctor; if someone who annoyed you needed medical attention, you would still administer it. Similarly as a manager, you have to still do your job and be objective about how your employees perform, even if you can’t stand them.
For example, in the situation above where I didn’t spend as much time as I should have with my employee…she ended up “telling on” me with my boss. I found it pretty frustrating and was angry. But, I still had to assess her performance fairly and support her career development.
And I did.
It wasn’t easy, but I just repeated to myself “I do right by everyone who works for me.” In the end, I think that mattered to her more than any support or other action I did (or didn’t do).
Do right by your people. It’s the right thing to do. And you won’t regret it.
In conclusion, as a result of following these mantras, I’ve become known as a great manager who is fair,tirelessly supportive of her people, and develops them to their next role. This reputation has helped me attract the best talent in our company and has resulted in my own promotions and awards.
Following these mantras is a long-term play. In any given situation, it’s easier to just take an easier route. But, I promise you — in the end — you’ll reap the rewards!
If you enjoyed this post, check out:
- If you want to be a good boss, you need to be lazy
- Are bad bosses better than good ones?
- 3 Tips for New Managers (and 3 Mistakes to Avoid)
- How to Overcome the 5 Biggest Career Killers
I didn’t find much when I researched other sources for “manager mantras,” but if you’re looking for outside sources, check this article.
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You are such an amazing and considerate manager. These are great mantras!
Thank you for the kind words. I do try hard but sometimes I fall short of the goal!
I could not go into management. I applaud you. They work harder than what they are paid for. These are great mantras.
Thank you! So kind of you
I feel like these are really important mantras in all facets of life. I try to live by all three of these, even without being a manager!! I would also add that you don’t lodge a complaint unless you have a potential solution as well!
Great addition! You make a great point in how these concepts fit into live coverage verbally. Not just in a management role. Thank you!
Being in management is a hard job to have. There is so much responsibility that goes with the job. Sometimes you have to be stern and follow through. I applaud anyone that is in management position. This is a really good post for someone in management to read in order to help them grow in their position.
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